So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
