i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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