Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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