i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
