Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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