Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Still dying that you shit outside
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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