she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
