I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
