hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
