I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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