They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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