College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And then the night went full on bisexual.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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