I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
