If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
