The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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