What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
