So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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