Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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