girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
