Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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