Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
