haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
