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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
