I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
