Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
