You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
