You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
