too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
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he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize