If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
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It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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