I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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