take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
