you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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