I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
