My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize