Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
