He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
