There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize