Im at strip club and am horny
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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