Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize