Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
