Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
