Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Someone signed my nipple.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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