He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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