I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
