I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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