I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
