so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
