i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
