You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
