The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
