when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
