um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He shit in the fireplace
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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