so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
