I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize