New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
