so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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