Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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