I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
