piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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