Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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