It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
