We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
