did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
